Skip to main content

Step two: keep writing.

It's funny how thoughts can just disappear. They aren't tangible in any sense, though I guess they must have some effect on your brain. I wonder if choosing to think about things causes your brain to physically change. It's got to, I've heard memories are essentially rewritten every time you try to recall them. Perhaps that's how we get out of touch with one another. We start to revise history about our lives events into stories that we like to remember. Without sharing those stories with each other, we probably start to remember things differently. It's hard not to think about getting "dumped". The term dumped is funny, it's like you're trash. I guess breaking up is a gentler term. I wish I knew how to get people to communicate with me like I'm willing to with them. It's hard, because I don't want to demand it, I just want them to want to. I think people are too uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. Comfort zones seem dangerous to me, almost like a way to close your mind. It's probably the reason political discourse is so dismal. Maybe it's really always been as bad as it is today. I just don't see the rationality behind forcing someone to do something, and thinking that that's what's going to make them better people or the world a better place. Societal change has to start on the individual level. We don't get to think for anybody else, so why do we think we can mold them with rules? Sure, rules are necessary, but learning has to be more important than rules. Perhaps that's why rules are meant to be broken, because we just learn when they don't apply anymore. That's got to be the toughest part about religion. People want to think they have everything figured out, or that they have some sort of hand book. I don't think you can write an instruction manual for life, and if you could, would you really want to just follow other people's instructions? I wouldn't. There's always at least two ways to look at something. Infinite ways really. It's funny that there are actually 3 sides to a coin. I wonder if this is productive. It's got to be at some level. I don't know why I've never really taken to just writing for writing's sake. Maybe it's actually for my sake. I wish people would think aloud to me more. I just want to know! What do you care about people!? I can't believe I've gotten upset at Maddo for not doing that with me. That's a really strange thing to let upset you. I need to be better at accepting not knowing. It's funny really, the inconsistencies you can find within yourself when you just peek below the surface. Perhaps I need to work on explaining myself. People want to understand me too I think. But I don't want to make them understand me. I just want to be understandable. I think we could all benefit from being more understanding of one another. Maybe that's just what good friends are, people who get each other. That's probably what sucks the most about Maddo leaving. It makes me feel like I really don't understand her. But that's probably just because our relationship meant more to me in the end. I would never have abandoned her. That probably scares her. I wish it didn't, but I can't do anything about that really. I probably should start breaking my thoughts up into paragraphs. It might help me focus.

New paragraph. Okay. Well it's not really like I have a topic in mind. Perhaps the spacing of text is the best part about paragraphs. Huge blocks of text can be pretty intimidating. I really long to be understood. I don't think it's possible, not at an holistic level. No one will ever completely understand somebody else. But it's worth trying right? Isn't it fun to get to know people? Is there somebody out there who I will want to know as much about as they will want to know about me? Or better yet, is there someone who will want me to try to understand them as much as I try to understand myself? I hope so.

Perhaps I'm being too analytical about life. Damn science and philosophy. Well, I mean, I don't think you can damn a subject, but there's probably a reason other people find philosophy a whole lot less interesting than I do. It's a shame really. Why is really the most important question isn't it? Isn't the capability of asking why what makes us intelligent? Isn't it how we've separated ourselves from the rest of the animals? They don't ask themselves why. I know Moose probably could never grasp that concept. It's funny to try to think about how a dog thinks. It's got to just be a highly emotional experience. I miss that dog. I should try to see her soon.

Well this feels like a whole lot of rambling. It's soothing though. I need to keep doing this. It's impressive how you don't have to feel alone if you converse with yourself. It's still a whole lot worse than getting to converse with somebody else though. Maybe some day I'll find somebody willing to talk to me about anything and everything. Maybe I just need to find more people to talk to.

I need to end this. I'm really tired. I can't believe how hard it is to work these days. Modeling drying processes just isn't all that inspiring. I think reading that is explanation enough of why it's not. Oh, I'm not sure I should be an engineer. But I'm good at it. It can be fun. I think I just need to move on to a new project. I'll get there.

Alright. Time to pass out for a bit. This whole free flowing writing thing is kind of fun though. Hard to stop at times. But alas, I need to turn my thoughts to dreams so I can at least get something productive done today.

Here's to getting better every day.


Popular posts from this blog

An Unapologetic Paraphrasing of Bastiat's Apology for Landed Property

This is my admittedly snarky paraphrasing of Bastiat's rambling apology on Landed Property in his Economic Harmonies . I think by translating the verbiage into modern terms, which I couldn't help but do so with a pinch of sarcasm, it becomes clear he didn't prove much of anything at all. Instead, a reader feels underwhelmed by its points and overwhelmed by the verbosity of his rather banal parables. Even though he shows what actually causes land to increase in value when he describes the improvements of a city/town growing around land, he insists that all the gained value obtained by landlords by that mechanism is actually just the fruits of their past labors, ignoring his own supposition that value comes from the service provided, in the case of Land, by a better site to occupy, not labor. If it pleases you, enjoy the following: The economists of all sorts say that landlord's charge rent for value they did not create. Most say it is unjust, but some begrudgingly ad

Our Dancing Universe: the Word and the Circle of Light.

The Word lets light and begets all things. I have composed the following in awe of the beauty and balance of our cosmos. It is based off of concepts connected by three pieces of scientific literature. The summary of each is as follows: 1. "A unifying theory of dark energy and dark matter: Negative masses and matter creation within a modified ΛCDM framework" describes how the existence of a negative mass fluid would result in the orientation and behavior of the cosmos as we observe it, removing the need for the hypothetical notions of dark matter and dark energy to describe the shapes of galaxies and the observed expansion of space-time. 2. "Negative-Mass Hydrodynamics in a Spin-Orbit–Coupled Bose-Einstein Condensate" describes how when matter gets extremely cold, approximately absolute zero, atoms condense into a collective fluid that behaves as if it has negative mass. 3. "On the origin of gravity and the laws of Newton" describes how gravity itself i

Free Land, or the ideal mean for a Location Value funded Citizen's Dividend

If we want to liberate ourselves from one another, we can buy into the idea that we can more effectively share this planet. We can do so for the purposes of maximizing human autonomy and the experience of equal liberty for every citizen of the Earth, through each of their local communities. We have the means today to voluntarily buy into a federation of neighborhood scale land trusts with a global reach. Existentially, our birthrights are the greatest lottery of all of history. We can make that a game with winning odds for everyone. The desire to be free, to choose to live how we each wish to live, is strongly felt within each of us. But those who experience it most, unfortunately, value it least. They become so accustomed to protecting or jealously expanding their own experience of it that they have created a system of enforcing their own privileges at the cost of others. I believe all people ought to choose whosoever's service they wish to enter, but I do not believe any of