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I had lunch with Maddo today, which was a weird thing to do after crying myself to sleep, but when I saw her, I realized I didn't want to be with her. I didn't want what we had. What I still want is what I thought I had. But what I thought I had isn't what I lost.

What I lost was a flawed relationship, full of the problems I never knew how to deal with, many of which I wasn't willing to admit at the time.

But where I'm trying to go with this is everything I went through with her was absolutely worth it, because I was happy. I still can't really grasp yet how much it's taught me, and how much I'm still learning in reflection. And the peace I feel when I think about it like that is undeniable, and gives me a lot of hope for the next relationship I have.

Because I'm flawed, and she will be too, but I look forward to my love for her being strengthened by those flaws. But that's only going to happen if she's willing to reflect like I am, if she's willing to embrace imperfections, laugh about them, cry about them, and in the end look at them as opportunities to become a better person.

It feels good to have hope. I refuse to lose that.


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