I feel remarkably content today. Just a calm that I can't really describe. This feeling is how I understand the idea of "peace beyond understanding" because there's really no cause for it. I have so much that I could choose to worry about, but to do so would be so pointless.
I really want to purchase a firearm because I feel like it stakes a claim in my right to defend myself. Liberty requires us to live in a way that we can take care of ourselves, and part of taking care of yourself is self-defense.
I went to the coast yesterday. Jumped in the ocean and fought off hypothermia. It's amazing how doing something unwise can make you feel so alive. Ran out of gas on the pass too. Pretty good stuff. Colby came with me. That Colby's a good guy. Very good at going through with impulsive decisions. I think I need to be more impulsive. I think it's really easy to overthink every little thing you do. Especially if you worry about money all the time. I need more adventure in my life, and damnit I'm going to find it. I hope I don't have to do it alone, but I need to be willing to. I'm sure I'll find people who want to come along for the ride if I just go for it. I need to worry less about being alone.
It's hard to be alone when you grow accustomed to having somebody so close. It makes me think of the goofy Tim and Eric song, "I wanna be touched, oh oh, the gentle caress of a human please." I miss it. I also miss having a confidant about everything, that whole feeling valued business too. I think I seek approval too much. I'll figure it out though.
We are all so much braver than we think we can be. We just have to want it bad enough.