Skip to main content

Trying to sleep.

My thoughts are racing, and suddenly they stop. There is no real rhyme to them, but I refuse to believe there's no reason. I'm struggling to find myself. More than anything, I want to be me. And I don't even know what that is. But I'm the one to define it. It's hard when our lives are perceived by others and that's how we will be remembered, but it's my actions that will define me. When I look back on my life some day I hope I will be remembered as a good man. I want people to look at my life and say, "you know, I didn't always agree with him, but damnit, he was good to me." I want to be the guy who encourages others to pursue their dreams. I'm torn these days because I feel stuck, but I feel like I've put that on myself in order to have a reason to be negative. I'm a damned lucky man, and I honestly believe I have made it as far as I have because I've endeavored to do what's right by other people. I hope those that I hurt will forgive my lack of tact or wisdom. I'm trying to learn, I want to be a better man and know how to best love others. And honestly, I'm doing quite well. I am slow to judge and I accept that it is not my job to tell you how to live.

But I'm lonely. I miss having someone to talk to when I go to bed. I miss being with someone and being able to share anything with them. And I'm beginning to believe to I should love everyone as deeply as I loved my one and only. I don't know if I'll ever have a one and only again. But I will love more, and I will love deeper. And hopefully that love is recognized as love. I do not wish for anyone to be mine, but I will always try to be there when I'm needed and I hope to be there more often than not when I'm wanted. 

It's quite the realization to know you will always yearn for love. And I have no intention to ever stop loving anyone. Things may change, but my love will remain.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Unapologetic Paraphrasing of Bastiat's Apology for Landed Property

This is my admittedly snarky paraphrasing of Bastiat's rambling apology on Landed Property in his Economic Harmonies . I think by translating the verbiage into modern terms, which I couldn't help but do so with a pinch of sarcasm, it becomes clear he didn't prove much of anything at all. Instead, a reader feels underwhelmed by its points and overwhelmed by the verbosity of his rather banal parables. Even though he shows what actually causes land to increase in value when he describes the improvements of a city/town growing around land, he insists that all the gained value obtained by landlords by that mechanism is actually just the fruits of their past labors, ignoring his own supposition that value comes from the service provided, in the case of Land, by a better site to occupy, not labor. If it pleases you, enjoy the following: The economists of all sorts say that landlord's charge rent for value they did not create. Most say it is unjust, but some begrudgingly ad
Post a Comment
Read more

Our Dancing Universe: the Word and the Circle of Light.

The Word lets light and begets all things. I have composed the following in awe of the beauty and balance of our cosmos. It is based off of concepts connected by three pieces of scientific literature. The summary of each is as follows: 1. "A unifying theory of dark energy and dark matter: Negative masses and matter creation within a modified ΛCDM framework" describes how the existence of a negative mass fluid would result in the orientation and behavior of the cosmos as we observe it, removing the need for the hypothetical notions of dark matter and dark energy to describe the shapes of galaxies and the observed expansion of space-time. 2. "Negative-Mass Hydrodynamics in a Spin-Orbit–Coupled Bose-Einstein Condensate" describes how when matter gets extremely cold, approximately absolute zero, atoms condense into a collective fluid that behaves as if it has negative mass. 3. "On the origin of gravity and the laws of Newton" describes how gravity itself i
Post a Comment
Read more

Free Land, or the ideal mean for a Location Value funded Citizen's Dividend

If we want to liberate ourselves from one another, we can buy into the idea that we can more effectively share this planet. We can do so for the purposes of maximizing human autonomy and the experience of equal liberty for every citizen of the Earth, through each of their local communities. We have the means today to voluntarily buy into a federation of neighborhood scale land trusts with a global reach. Existentially, our birthrights are the greatest lottery of all of history. We can make that a game with winning odds for everyone. The desire to be free, to choose to live how we each wish to live, is strongly felt within each of us. But those who experience it most, unfortunately, value it least. They become so accustomed to protecting or jealously expanding their own experience of it that they have created a system of enforcing their own privileges at the cost of others. I believe all people ought to choose whosoever's service they wish to enter, but I do not believe any of
Post a Comment
Read more