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Some kind of arrangement of words.

So uhm, hi, it's me. The guy who doesn't know what to say right now. I've been thinking a lot of thoughts that have been jumbled and mushed past each other so many times it feels like they've just liquified into an unproductive mush in my consciousness. Hardly a stream. More like an embarrassing puddle. It's terrible being cluttered. It infects your whole life. Here I am, staying up, writing out my thoughts because I don't have the discipline to organize my life. I want to run in the morning. I need to run. It isn't only great exercise, it helps me clear my head. I don't have to worry about anything, I can just let me thoughts flow. I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself with women. I feel like I'm too quick to love, too indiscriminate. I guess that can make somebody feel unimportant if you just treat everyone like they're special, but I think that's just a manifestation of insecurity. I want to be tender to that of course. I will answer anything you ask of me, anything at all. Just have the courage to ask. Please. I'm most likely begging myself to ask you what I'm curious about, but I'm just too slow to know what to ask. Chances are I don't know you as well as I'd like to. Please tell me if you don't think I value you enough. I want to know. Because I care. I do. 

I miss you. I wish I got to see you more. I wish we hung out more than we do. I wish we were more comfortable around each other and could be open and honest about everything and talk about how we're going to save the world one day at a time. Not that it needs saving, but we should be prepared, you know, just in case. I feel like you and I could probably figure out a good way to make things work. We probably would be able to work quite well together. We just have to learn how to complement each others strengths and weaknesses. Think of what we're trying to accomplish as a life augmentation. It's a team sport and we probably would be good partners. I hope we hang out more soon. If you want to talk, I'm always here, just a phone call away. If you think of me, just say hey, what's up. I'll try to remember to do the same. I don't want to bother you with every which how of my life, but if you ever just want to talk, even if it's about nothing in particular, I'll talk back. I'm hear for you if you need me. Anything you need, I'll do my best to provide the assistance of which I'm capable.

Thanks for caring, it means a lot. I love you.


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What is it? You know. It holds you back, and it's okay that it is alluring. You need to do it sometimes to remember that you  don't want to do it. Accept it. Forgive it. Face it. Fix it. You don't have to be perfect.  But you can always try to learn to be more perfect. Your anxiety is telling you things. Important interpretations of your surroundings. Your choices are yours to make. And yours to live with so adapt accordingly. Be creative with your choices and you will benefit as you learn to do what is best.