infinite individuality

My thoughts are racing, and suddenly they stop. There is no real rhyme to them, but I refuse to believe there's no reason. I'm struggling to find myself. More than anything, I want to be me. And I don't even know what that is. But I'm the one to define it. It's hard when our lives are perceived by others and that's how we will be remembered, but it's my actions that will define me. When I look back on my life some day I hope I will be remembered as a good man. I want people to look at my life and say, "you know, I didn't always agree with him, but damnit, he was good to me." I want to be the guy who encourages others to pursue their dreams. I'm torn these days because I feel stuck, but I feel like I've put that on myself in order to have a reason to be negative. I'm a damned lucky man, and I honestly believe I have made it as far as I have because I've endeavored to do what's right by other people. I hope those that I hurt w...

So uhm, hi, it's me. The guy who doesn't know what to say right now. I've been thinking a lot of thoughts that have been jumbled and mushed past each other so many times it feels like they've just liquified into an unproductive mush in my consciousness. Hardly a stream. More like an embarrassing puddle. It's terrible being cluttered. It infects your whole life. Here I am, staying up, writing out my thoughts because I don't have the discipline to organize my life. I want to run in the morning. I need to run. It isn't only great exercise, it helps me clear my head. I don't have to worry about anything, I can just let me thoughts flow. I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself with women. I feel like I'm too quick to love, too indiscriminate. I guess that can make somebody feel unimportant if you just treat everyone like they're special, but I think that's just a manifestation of insecurity. I want to be tender to that of course. I will answer anyth...

I've been trying to figure out what purpose jealousy serves in our psyche. I think it's pointless, and come strictly from selfish desire. We have insecurities and when people do something that makes us feel insecure about ourselves, society tells us that we're allowed to be mad because, well something happened that made us feel bad. We shouldn't ignore this feeling, we should communicate to each other about it, but allowing ourselves to get angry and berate someone is rarely productive. I'm starting to believe that I should love every person as I wish to love them, in the best way that I know how, whatever that happens to be. I don't think it makes sense to draw lines in the sand beyond that. We try to label our relationships we have with others in order to attach value or significance to them, but that's merely a reflection of our own desire to be valued. We don't need binding agreements between one another to show each other love. What we need is hones...

But like really?

Life is what you make it. It's funny to put it so simply, but it's really hard to argue with. I would imagine the majority of my problems are things that I just don't understand. Honestly, things I think are problems might very well be good things for me to deal with. I think the fact that I feel overweight is frustrating. It's a good reminder that life is what you make it. I could be in better shape if I put the time into it. And I will. Not running due to this shoulder injury has been far more frustrating than I had anticipated. I've begun to enjoy running, perhaps it's just something about the movement, that I'm a being designed for travel that really gets my body and mind operating properly. It's funny to contemplate what defines yourself. At least I think it's a novel pursuit. Perhaps I've just never considered how important self definition is. I want to craft myself, to make myself into something that I would admire as an onlooker. Not admi...

I think I might be killing myself a little bit. Only in the sense that my body may expire faster living like I am. I'm glad I'm exercising again. It feels really good to be tired. I need more friends that share my weekends. Though, I must say, my friends are kind of awesome. It's good to know when people get you. Sometimes it's fun when they don't though. Just gotta keep it spicy I guess, just embrace that weird. I want a keyboard. I just want to play around with it. I just am really bad at actually doing things. I keep holding myself back from things. I need to have more confidence. I need to embrace not being sure what to do and going anyway. I really want to seize the whole self starter thing. I'll get there. I mean I'm wild and I'm young, I just need to remember to never lose my dinosaur. Seriously. I don't want to. JT is good at just switching his songs up. I need sleep so bad. Maybe I'm just real tired. Maybe that's why it feels like ...

When is civilization finally going to grow up and realize that the solutions to all of our problems start at the exact same level as the problems themselves: at the individual. When a wrong deed is done, there is an individual who does it, it's not "a system". That individual has a choice, and unfortunately, individuals like to convince themselves that they don't. When as individuals will we stop choosing to support actions that promise us comfort and security at the cost of true justice. When will we be brave enough to accept responsibility for ourselves and for all of the injustices our actions bring upon the world. We need to realize that if any improvement is going to happen in this world, it's going to start within each and every one of us, with each and every one of our actions every single day. Stop pretending that this whole morality thing is so complicated. The rule is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and not "as they ...