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responsibility's the right response

I think the biggest problem with authoritarianism is that authority gets lazy and resorts to rule by decree and demand rather than requesting consent. As soon as society demands action rather than requesting a fulfilling of duty, it erases the character of the action required. Those who say conscription is ever justified are the only people who might deserve to be conscripted. I've been lucky enough not to have to experience war in my lifetime. I know many who have not had that luxury.

But I have seen how the demands of the experience of violence and requirement of exercising violence impact the psyche. I have seen the way in which it changes the view of a man. I am infinitely grateful to him for having steered me away from that life with his form of masculinity. It was about strength and respect, rather than demands and force. He never beat me into submission, he made it clear that the best path was submission to his wiser authority. And truth be told, since his authority was exercised lovingly, I genuinely never questioned it.

I think there are as many different ways to be a person as there are persons. We are all responsible for our response to that reality. Some of us more than others. It takes a lot of effort to be responsible for that reason. You must respond to the demands of your reality, or you can never be responsible for it.

I don't think I have a very strong motor when I'm uninterested. I am uncertain whether to feel guilty about it. I don't want to, I thing that's my prerogative. I think I should start to build my own schedules in order to better deal with life. I should create timelines as a matter of course in order to describe when and how much resource I'll need to acces in order to succeed in my responsibilities.

We sometimes want to dodge responsibility rather than accept and accel in its execution. I think that's because the use of our internal accelerators, our energy and motivation, can be tiring. We don't want to have to exert the effort sometimes. That's why accepting responsibility is scary to me. But I also just don't want to have to work against my desires - but responsibility often demands we do what we don't desire.


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What is it? You know. It holds you back, and it's okay that it is alluring. You need to do it sometimes to remember that you  don't want to do it. Accept it. Forgive it. Face it. Fix it. You don't have to be perfect. But you can always they to learn to be more perfect. Your anxiety is telling you things. Important interpretations of your surroundings. Your choices are yours to make. And yours to live with so adapt accordingly. Be creative with your choices and you will benefit as you learn to do what is best.