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unknown unknowns

Waiting this way when you have no idea when anything is going to happen, the anxiety of it is just a permanent stitch in the side, a discomfort in the back of the mind, a fear kindled by every stray thought.

It is only fitting that the feeling of topping the mountain has been so immediately followed with an indefinite trial of mental difficulty. Inevitable maybe. But it's out of your control. You can't change what is inducing it. You can only be disciplined about how you respond to all of it.

You have the strength to put it away until there is something to address. You have the wherewithall to endure in doubt, to walk in the darkness. Even when it feels like the odds are against you, you can still hold on to faith that all things are possible.

It's okay to let yourself be down when you're down. Rest when you need it, or you'll never recover. Don't disregard your esteem because you're not omnipotent. You've never had to be perfect, but it's okay to want to try to be - failing at a noble goal is still a path of nobility.

Make room for your disappointment. Don't try and crowd it out of your mind with mental gymnastics. Give it a chair and let it sit and settle. With time, it will move on or you will. Either way, you won't be stuck with it forever. Sure, it will come back, but that's because it's a mirror showing you the depth of your care.

The way ahead is one of Wu Wei - forcing any of it will only be wasted energy. Walk steady, pace yourself, and respond when opportunity arises. Don't let your fear trick you into thinking you're failing. The path ahead requires you to stay present, nothing good will come from getting ahead of yourself.

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