infinite individuality

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almost wanted

Is there anywhere that I can take my mind that isn't going to feel like a pit of potential pain? Why is it that I'm constantly searching for what is wrong with me? Is that what I'm doing by writing this paragraph? I think so. But it feels worth the inquiry. I'm struggling not to get lost in my fear. Why let the fear win? Is there really something to be afraid of here that isn't worth taking the chance? Rejection is a framing. A missed chance is a framing. There are so many alternative ways to look at a happenstance, objectivity, especially in relationships, is almost a fantasy. And sometimes that's all we get, to almost experience our fantasies. To almost enjoy what we're after. As such, I feel I am almost wanted. But perhaps that's exactly where I want to be. I want to be desired, to be seen, to be understood. I want to be wanted. But being on the edge of it, for it to be a choice, not a need - that's the space I want to create. I don't want a ...

vivacious vulnerability

vindicate the visceral vitality of vesting in venues of virility veiling conviviality is unconvincing it can vitiate you into a victim raving knaves in waves of rage chasing their craving to feel vaunted value your views and vent verily, these are vistas of vice victory is a viper vexing you with envy these velvet vixens offer vectors of vanity vying so close to the vest versed in caving and servility evade the temptation of toxicity veer into the vestiges of virtue by jove, evolve rebuke the vicious visions given by volumes of videos vindicate your vincibility revolt and reframe moving and metamorphosing just be festive and friendly loving, living, and favored

whose side are you on?

The starving of hostages is atrocious, but I am curious, would you be more enraged over it if the Israelis did this to a Palestinian captive, all the while Palestinians were actively driving Israel out of Jerusalem with the use of the sort of overwhelming military force that Israel is using today? Imagine if the U.S. supported Palestine instead. How would you feel? I can't think of the ongoing atrocities in that region without thinking of Bob Dylan's, "With God on Our Side," and wonder, why didn't God just do this to the Romans, if it was truly the way he wanted the Holy Land reclaimed in the name of his chosen people. It is hard to imagine a more arrogant and solipsistic claim that a people could make. I get it, it is quite a rhetorical device, but quite unknowable and beyond proof to the point of absurdity if you examine it closely and don't just, "take it on faith," that God cares about some peoples more than others. If you believe the Palestinian...

Yay Anxiety!

I gave you more than you asked to receive. I misinterpreted you sharing as a desire to feel care through the expression of understanding and thought of you. The distance between us is too broad of an expanse for you to expend the energy to keep in touch. I get it. I don't agree with it, but I accept it. I don't need to convince you otherwise. Knowing you this briefly has taught me what a longer connection never could. Vision taught me that a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts. It's a simple truth, but it resonates. I wish it wasn't over, but I also see that it is better for me in ways that it ended so quick. What do we owe one another? You told me it amounts to nothing. I think you're right, but I think you missed that a good relationship is never owed. We choose it. It's a verb we do because we want it. It's not about debts to be served, but service freely given. Or maybe you already know that and just don't want to give any more. Thank you for...

Kindness is Free

Let go of your shame And you'll be able to love In a way that has scared you Yet you've always wanted Don't fear your compassion Your care and kindness Scared of the scorn of those who won't They're not stronger because they don't Just be, liberated Free yourself of your perception Don't always try to ease the anxiety Both of yourself and others Sit with it Walk with it Talk with it Accept it The greatest part of letting go Of the worry and indecision Is you never miss them Because they never change things anyway When you pause Let yourself rest And when you can't That's okay too It's okay to feel It's okay to be too much It's okay to be exactly who You want to be You don't always have to share But it's okay to share too The ones who care for you Will want to see the real you Sharing isn't the same As sharing everything You can be understood Even when you say less But more is okay too Don't censor your heart Just becaus...

that pulse in your chest

Do you feel it? Or do you run away from it? Why do you react to the awareness of your body as a sign that you need to escape to safety? What circumstances lead to that instead of the bliss of experience? In some ways, you've always run from what you've wanted. The fear of failing at it has gotten in your way. Now, when I say always, it's not like a 100% failure rate, it's more of a matter of never conquering that instinct. It has stuck with you and continued to sporadically hold you back. Stop running. Face it. Grab it by the horns, and let the bull throw you wherever you land. You'll be tougher for it, stronger for it, so satisfied by it. You have been given a tremendous opportunity with this life you have built. Follow through. Just do what you feel, and feel what you do, but take your time. Be true to your decisions, and follow through at completing what you set out to create. Let it change as you create it. Just keep creating. Just be you, be confidently you...