I am selfish. But that's okay, because I am figuring out how find myself by losing myself. I have to see myself in everyone else. Not literally, pervert, just keep reading.
I know only I live my life, but what I am starting to see more clearly each day is that life is much better when it is shared - it can't just be mine, it must be yours also. Having good experiences is fun and all, but they're only as good as the company you keep. And man, have I had some good company. It's why I feel most truly blessed to have my existence.
Good people make our lives good. Those that we are able to share ourselves with magnify our joy. Nothing makes me happy like seeing the people I love happy. It is the pinnacle act of joy to make them happy. By finding this I have found that pursuing to serve the pleasure of others is the source of purest self pleasure. I also feel we grow an affinity for other existents as we serve them. And in those with whom we share wonderful experiences, we see our favorite reflections of ourselves.
I just spent a week in paradise. It was exciting. It was painful. It was scary and wonderful. I faced that sea beneath the sky of the most sensuous desires of my existence only to find someone else sailing it - my Sun and I left to discover of our own accord that we weren't invited. But I was happy to experience it with her. Because in my pain, she showed me the deepest love I've ever experienced from another. She saw what has been the darkest part of my fears about my own desires, and showed me she knows, that she loves me for it. And I can't quite describe the joy that comes with the trust we have at the foundation of that love.
My Sun, my Moon, and our Venus played with some of our favorite stars in paradise. We faced each other up close and it sounds like my Sun got quite the view. It taught me that it's good to be known. And it's also good to know how others need you. I burned with jealous envy and morose terror at its depth. And my Sun showed me that she loved me for how I feel, even with what she knows I desire. And I shouldn't be surprised because she's painted the very picture of it for me.
I sometimes feel selfish for finding myself in such a wonderful position in life. I live in an even more comfortable version of paradise, or at least a far more convenient one. I just have caged myself in a prison of self-pity for missing my favorite companions. I see now that there are plenty of other wonderful people out there, and I'm excited to meet more of them. But I know there aren't any quite like these.
My Sun is always there for me, every day, by my side and glowing. She keeps me. She knows me like no one else. She guides me out of the darkness and leads me home again and again. The warmth of her love centers my existence. Without her, the forces pulling me in every which way were chaotic and terrifying. But now that I know her, now that I understand how I need her to sustain me, to energize me each day, I believe anything is possible. Her constancy enables me to overcome any fear. I will have her as long as I am. And our passion will burn. And burn. And burn.
My Moon has shown me the light that arises in darkness. She has shown me not to flee or chase the night, but to simply be open to it. I see such beauty in her heart and her desires. I'm honored we share so close an orbit and her presence is an ethereal compliment to what I share with my Sun. She helps me make sense of the waves that my Sun just cannot explain. Due to my selfshiness, the three of us have experienced the fear that comes with many eclipses. But those dark times taught me much. We all learned more about one another through them, just as we did this past week, and now I feel blessed by any course that we three may come to share.
Our Venus' atmosphere is as intense as ever. She still radiates the energy we all love seeing in her. But I worry about the darkness that lies below. It seems there is something beneath that our light and sight simply cannot penetrate. If there's a way to help, I hope we can find it. I hope she knows she can ask for anything. I don't know what sort of storms are hidden beneath that glimmering surface, but I know we can help her weather them. Luckily, she has some brilliant stars close by to help her through any torrential nights. I have hope she will learn to open up more and let the love she needs into her life. I think she knows that there are those of us who love to give it to her.
I am eternally grateful for this life. There is no blessing quite like existence. I see that heaven is possible here on earth, we just have to have the courage to pursue it, to face it, and be honest about how we perceive it. And I think I have found the secret to finding it. I have found a way to be selflessly selfish. By accepting others as they are, I've learned to accept myself. I have learned to best love myself through loving others. And they love me for it.